Update February 21st 2009

I'd prefer not to write this, but I have to get this onto paper, so to speak, or into the ether, and out of my head.

For the last two days, I've been in a really weird space emotionally. Physically, I feel fine, almost normal. After being on this chemo protocol for almost two weeks, I can honestly say this is the best I've felt. Aside from some very minor side effects such as skin irritation and some joint pain, I don't feel much different then when I was off chemo.

I've been in a good place emotionally, too. Now that I'm back on a chemo regimen that I can apparently handle OK, I'm not dreading the treatments or the after effects. I know that I'm on a small dose of everything and that it will be bumped up gradually. But for right now, everything is OK. That's lifted a great weight off my back and really cleared my head up, for the most part.

Starting yesterday, though, I woke up in a weird, uncomfortable place. I'm not really sure why. I don't really feel like seeing any of my friends or going out, even though I've had offers to go out last night and tonight. I feel like I want to shut out the world, not answer my phone, and just go away.

I'm trying to fight that urge to disappear. Usually, when I feel this way, there's an identifiable reason, such as being scared of the upcoming chemo treatment. That's not really an issue for me right now, so I'm not sure why I am feeling like this. It's one of those things I go through now and again, and at least writing about it gets it out of my head.

Update February 17 2009

This is the second day I've been on the full chemo protocol, and all is good. I do have some side effects; particularly joint pain and skin irritation, which is normal. I am also extremely tired. The good news is that I have no stomach / bowel issues to speak of and in general I feel pretty good.

Update February 16 2009

As of this morning I am on the full chemotherapy protocol, including standostatin injections. So far, so good. No side effects as of yet. I'll keep you posted.

Octuplet Update February 11th 2009

First let me address how I'm feeling - I'm not feeling too bad, although I have a cold. I have had no side effects from the chemo as of now, but I haven't begun taking the full protocol yet. Hopefully things stay stable.

This morning on the news there was coverage on the single mother in Los Angeles who recently had octuplets after fertilization treatment. She already had six previous children, so she now has 14 (!). This boggles my mind. How anyone, particularly a doctor who treats women for fertilization, can allow someone to have 8 children at one time, particularly who has 6 other children? It's criminal. This woman should have had her head examined, not her tubes. Of course, we as taxpayers are going to end up supporting both the mother and the kids. This is so wrong, on so many levels. They should absolutely take her kids away from her, for their own protection. I don't care if the mother is considered fit. 14 children is too many to handle.

OK OK, Here's an update Update February 10th 2009

In response to the millions of requests I've had to update the blog...

I restarted chemotherapy yesterday. The entire protocol is different and the primary delivery source are pills and shots rather then infusion. I'm taking Xeloda (which is a form of 5FU in pill form) on a daily basis. On a bi-monthy basis (every two weeks) I have Avastin in chemo form. Once a month, I get Zometa, also in chemo form, for my bones. In addition I'll be taking Standostatin in shot form (once my pharmacy gets it in, that is), and Methotrexate in pill form (once a week, for my chrone's). So far, everything is good. I'm not on the full protocol yet, but I am hopeful that things will be different this time around.

So, lets repeat (there will be a test later):
Xeloda, Zometa, Avastin, Standostatin, Methotrexate. Everyone got that? Spelling counts, by the way.

Memories Update January 25th 2009

Being on Facebook has allowed me to connect with so many people from my past. Mostly, those people have been from my Highland Hall years, or co-workers at the various companies that I've been a part of. Today, however, I got jolted from a part of my past I'd much rather forget: Judson.

I won't go into the details about my experiences at Judson school, or why I wish to forget the experience ever happened. Suffice it to say that I try, on a daily basis, to forget what happened to me there, and the people who participated and allowed it to occur. The school is no longer there, it's a housing development; but I've been carrying Judson around inside of me since 1980.

Out of the blue, this person sends me a message on Facebook: "Hi, did you by any chance attend Judson School? I remember you from my yearbook." I don't remember this person at all, and honestly I was inclined not to reply, but I wrote back, "Yes. Not the happiest memories for me... I try to forget I attended."

Does this random Facebook person really remember me? If so, does he remember what happened to me while I was there? How, if he does remember, does he square that experience with the person he has become (I assume he's a well adjusted human being)? Why would you want to contact me if you do remember? To ask me how I am? To remember the great times we had there?

This experience makes me feel weird. The whole "out of the past" thing is weird enough without people from Judson contacting me.

Quick Update January 24th 2009

Lots to say but no real motivation to sit and write it out... enough to say I am really grateful for the people in my life. I can't thank you all enough.