Being on Facebook has allowed me to connect with so many people from my past. Mostly, those people have been from my Highland Hall years, or co-workers at the various companies that I've been a part of. Today, however, I got jolted from a part of my past I'd much rather forget: Judson.
I won't go into the details about my experiences at Judson school, or why I wish to forget the experience ever happened. Suffice it to say that I try, on a daily basis, to forget what happened to me there, and the people who participated and allowed it to occur. The school is no longer there, it's a housing development; but I've been carrying Judson around inside of me since 1980.
Out of the blue, this person sends me a message on Facebook: "Hi, did you by any chance attend Judson School? I remember you from my yearbook." I don't remember this person at all, and honestly I was inclined not to reply, but I wrote back, "Yes. Not the happiest memories for me... I try to forget I attended."
Does this random Facebook person really remember me? If so, does he remember what happened to me while I was there? How, if he does remember, does he square that experience with the person he has become (I assume he's a well adjusted human being)? Why would you want to contact me if you do remember? To ask me how I am? To remember the great times we had there?
This experience makes me feel weird. The whole "out of the past" thing is weird enough without people from Judson contacting me.
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Ben,
I find your last post most interesting and comforting to me. I just recently removed my name from Facebook. #1, I am on the computer all day long at work and already have a home personal email and a work email. So to go to facbook as a part of my daily experience was just too much for me. And again, I kept having to interact with people that had some make believe wonderful memory of our chilhood together, or Jr. or Senion High School and it felt like so much "Make Believe" that I was totally unable to handle it.
In addition I kept finding out things I did not want to know and that helped that little voice in the back of my head that tells me everything to do, and where to go etc. get louder.
My memories and theirs while having something in common, did not reflect my personal experiences. And, I was doing very poorly navigating around that website.
At this time in my life, living in Colorado where knowone I have ever know lives, what is the point.
I am so glad you brought this up and I can connect with you about how this feels. Those moments they found glorious, were not to me.
Please always know we are thinking about you. If you can, I would love for you to write to me personally at any time. Or maybe I should just respond to the email rather than the blog.
I love you Ben.
G
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