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Having cancer really makes life simple. It is no longer a matter of IF I want to do something (go to the movies, go out to breakfast, go for a walk, etc.), it's now a matter of CAN I do something (will my body let me). For instance, I decided to get up early this morning and go out to breakfast. For any normal, non sick person, this would be a pretty automatic decision; after all the breakfast place (Denny's) is only two blocks up and four blocks over, hardly a walk that would even cause a sweat. For me, however, it's not as simple as making the decision. I have to consider if I will get sick on the way; if I will get so tired I will have to sit down and rest; or even if I get there, will I be able to eat anything. However, sometimes you have to simply put your body in motion and damn all of the possibilities. I had to get out.
I successfuly made it to Denny's, ordered breakfast, and actually managed to eat some of it. I am really amazed at just how much my appitite has changed. What I used to be able to eat comfortably I simply cannot any more. My eyes are certainly bigger then my stomach. I say I probably eat less then half of what I used to eat. This is significant. Food has played such a central role in my life. I've spent my life overweight and, recently, significantly overweight. Now, I can't taste anything; and even so I can't eat it comfortably. So the relationship between me and food has been altered radically. My brain still says, "let's eat." But my body says, "nope." I tell you, it's a trip.
So I'm home now, ready to relax and try to enjoy the rest of the day.
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