Where I'm at Update October 19 2009

I know a lot of people have contacted me over the past few days in various ways (phone, text, e-mail, etc.) asking what it is I want. This update is an attempt on my part to clarify the support and interactions I'm looking for, and more importantly, what I am not looking for.

I know many people have suggestions regarding treatment options, doctors, diets, books, etc. Please know that I am being proactive regarding my disease(s) and that as far as medical care is concerned, I am in very good hands. I am going to be seeing the absolute best in the field of my specific cancer. Just about any other doctor I would see would inevitably refer me to him anyway.

I know there are many alternative treatments out there (Chinese medicine, acupuncture, herbalists, etc.). I have had some bad experiences with these sorts of treatments in the past because I am dealing not with one but with multiple issues. The cancer center which I am connected with has connections with acupuncturists and if I choose to go that way I will follow their expert advice in terms of a referral.

I'm not interested in talking about my prognosis. It's bullshit and means nothing. Talking about it gives it respect it does not deserve.

I'm not interested in talking about the other challenges I have medically. I think about them far too much and it's better that I forget sometimes since there's not much I can do about them anyway.

Please don't ask me about my treatment. I would have to tell you an entire backstory for it to make sense and then I will be thinking about that and not focusing on you and our conversation. I promise to keep this blog and / or facebook updated with any info I want to share.

I enjoy food. I enjoy food both healthy and unhealthy. Aside from manging my crohn's disease and my sugar level, I'm going to eat what I want to. I'd love to cook something for you if you'd like.

When I am not in pain, I like to get out and do things. I've never been particularly physical, and unfortunately because of the issues I have with my body I am not going to start being physical now. I'd love to walk with you, but please don't ask me to go on a hike or even a fast walk. It's not happening.

I'd love to cook for you (I think I am a good cook), watch a ballgame with you, go to the beach, the movies, or even a bar. I'd love to go with you as you run your errands because simply running errands is not something I've been able to do for a while and I'd like to feel somewhat normal.

I want to be around people I love and who love me. I want to feel like I accomplished something on a daily basis, even if it's as simple as making a meal and cleaning up afterwards. I don't want to be scared. I want to plan my future and hopefully meet someone who I love and who loves me and have a meaningful relationship physical and otherwise.