It was recommended that I have a short course of radiation to deal with the extreme pain in my back due to the tumor. My particular cancer does not usually respond favorably to radiation and in addition it is not recommended for people with crohn's disease. After consultation with the radiation oncologist and my own oncologist, we decided to take a chance. On the one hand, the radiation did what it was supposed to: it took care of the extreme pain. But, it also blew my colon and bowels to hell. As a result, I had a crohn's flareup with the usual symptoms of pain, diarrhea, bloating, cramps, etc., but this time the problem was in my small bowel, which is not where it normally is. To make a long story short, I had to go into the hospital and spent two days in a lot of pain. I am home now and feeling much better. I have to go back on prednisone and insulin, which sucks. I am feeling much much better and that is what counts.
I am looking at a cancer prognosis that is poor. I'm not sure how much longer I have. No one, including me, believes it's my time to go, and all of us plan to fight to the end. I have had to look this reality in the face and it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. As I write that I am starting to cry. I don't want to die and I don't believe I am ready to go yet. I believe I have a lot more to do, a lot more people to meet and life to live, and the prospect of that not happening is sobering and extremely frightening. I am lucky in that my overall functioning, blood count, etc. is normal and for the most part I am not in pain. I don't know how much that counts but hopefully feeling good and having good numbers is better then the reverse.
I really want to thank all of you for your unceasing support and championing of me. I love all of you and am so so grateful.
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