There are times when I feel anticipation over what is going to happen next. It may sound strange, but in a way, this whole thing is kind of a big adventure - I don't know what is going to happen, I don't know when it's going to happen, I wonder what the treatment is going to be like, what my life is going to be like - and I feel almost excited. But then, just as quickly, the impact of having this hits me, and I remember - I'm not working, the treatment will be painful, my pain may not go away, my days are beginning to blend into one another - and that feeling of anticipation is replaced by a feeling of depression. My life is so interupted right now...
The roller coaster is going down the hill; and I am just a passenger. The only things in control are gravity and God. I don't know what will happen next; I can only control those things I can control, and the rest is not up to me.
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2 comments:
Hi Ben. Your brother here. Just want to say that I'm thinking about you everyday, even the days we don't talk. I'll hopefully see you soon back home. Mom mentioned there's a specialist here in SF your doctors are trying to contact. Let me know when they get in touch with him. Love you. Call you tomorrow morn.
David
Ben,
We all want you to know that we think about you everyday and that our prayers are with you.
I do understand that feeling of being on a roller coaster and it still seems to me like Sam's cancer was one day only, instead of the months it truly was.
Your positive attitude and as always your outlook in life can help you through the hardest moments. I do not say this without experience. They are not empty words.
Sam described his cancer as living a normal wonderful life just going along, and suddenly he and they tood a very deep and heart wrenching dip and now his life is back on a even keel and he is happy and feels well, etc. My prayer is that this can and will happen for you too.
I love you, we love you and I carry you in my heart.
Gayle
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