Thursday

Here is the latest update.

Yesterday I began on a Fentanyl pain patch, along with Vicodyn for acute pain. This seems to have helped. My pain is less, not gone completely but bearable. I don't believe the patch has completely kicked in yet so we'll see how that works as the day goes on.

I haven't really had a chance to write about how I am feeling about all of this. I have a strong relationship with my Higher Power and have pretty much not questioned a lot of things that have happened to me in my life. Over the past few days, I have begun to seriously question my concept that my Higher Power is unquestionable (hopefully that makes sense). It may be blasphamous to say this, but God is a bit of an asshole. Why my family and myself should have to go through this, when we did nothing to deserve it, makes me question the whole "God has a plan" idea. When you think about it, if God is supposed to be this all caring, all things are possible entity, why does He / She let bad things happen to people who did nothing to deserve them? I mean, the people in New Orleans didn't do anything to deserve Katrina. And, there are plenty of people who have horrible things happen to them that have done nothing but good things, who praise God and try to walk in His / Her footsteps. Why do we praise this entity? What has this entity really done for any of us? I mean, really - an inteligent person would have some issues with this whole praise / worship thing. I don't know what the answer is. All I know is, I am pissed. This is not fair, not to me, not to my family or to my friends. And there is a lot of unfairness I see. And if God expects me to praise Him / Her, then He / She has some explaining to do now.

Sorry if the above offends anyone.