Friday, March 7, 2008
The closer it gets, the more scared I am
I am scared. I think about getting the biopsy and then having surgery and all of the various permutations of what could happen, and I get scared. I hate the idea of going under anesthesia and not being in control. The possibility of being in real pain afterwards scares me. And who knows what they are going to have to do to remove this thing? If they have to remove nerves, what will that affect? The closer I get, the more frightened I get.
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2 comments:
Ben,
Honey I don't have any words of wisdom, except to tell you that what you described as your fears are almost exactly how I have felt before surgery.
The hardest part for me was also the feeling of being out of control and that someone else had the power. But, when they start telling you to count backwards after they give you something to relax, is JUST GREAT and time to give it up for just a little while.
We are all pulling for you and keeping you in our thoughts and always in our hearts.
We will call over the week end and talk. I look forward to it and I love you always.
Gayle
Of course you are scared, Ben. I imagine that you are feeling overwhelmed, helpless and out of control. The natural survival mode is to run and escape and you cannot.
I suggest that you obtain a relaxation tape geared towards preparing for surgery. Your fears are like a wave that you can learn to ride by breathing in a way that lets go rather than tenses up. Your autonomic nervous system is in a state of hyperarousal. You can practice breathing, grounding and centering to soothe yourself.
"No ray of sunlight is ever lost, but the green which it wakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted the power to live to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." --Albert Schweitzer
Love,
Andrea
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