Thanksgiving Reflections - 11-25-2008

Tomorrow, I'll be going up to San Francisco to spend the holiday with my family. When I think back on last Thanksgiving, and what my concerns were, they seem incredibly trivial. As I recall, I was concerned that a particular advertising campaign I had been working on would close before the end of the month so I could get commission on it. (It did, and I got paid. Ironically, the ad campaign never actually ran to completion.) I was also concerned about a new manager of mine who I didn't particularly like. With all that has happened since, and what concerns me on a daily basis now, I wish that I could be troubled with things like that.

I am so blessed to have my family. Family is the most important thing in life, bar none. Without the support and love of my family, I would be nothing. I love them so much.

I have great friends who put up with me and who humor me, who accept me for who I am and who keep coming back despite my best efforts to make them go away. I am lucky to have an amazing medical support system centered on my amazing oncologist. I have neighbors who really care about me and who, when they see me on the elevator or in the hall, always ask how I am and if there is anything I need.

I appreciate the readers of this blog, if I've met you in person, electronically through e-mail, or haven't met you at all. The fact that you even give a shit about my life and read my self centered updates is something I appreciate very much and certainly don't take for granted.

Obviously this year has been hard and has many ups and downs. Thanksgiving is a time to look back, reflect, and appreciate what means most. Not the material things, although I am blessed there too... but family, friends, and random people who connect with me and are interested in what I have to say. To all I say, thanks. And to all I say, may you have a joyous Thanksgiving, however you choose to celebrate it.

Update 11-19-2008

I'm beginning to settle in to my new place and to begin to feel at home. I really like my new kitchen and the upgrades they put in. To me, the kitchen upgrades are almost worth the move. Overall, the new place is an improvement on the old - the bedroom is much bigger, and so is the bathroom. The downside is the street noise, and the fact that at around 4:15 the sun shines directly into my living room window. But that's what blinds are for, and I suppose I can always get one of those noise screens which will block some of the ambient sounds.

The move really stressed me out and put a lot of strain on me. I am feeling much more tired in general (I call it 'chemo fatigue' since many symptoms feel the same as after I have chemo - I wouldn't be at all surprised if they were related), and it's taking me a while to recover and feel normal again. I am close, though. Hopefully by next week I will be back to feeling my old self again, whatever that means.

Move In Update 11-16-2008

I finally moved in to my new place yesterday. The move was very hard for both my family and myself. I pretty much acted like a crazy person the entire time because I couldn't relax and felt like I had to manage everything. When I get like that I become impossible to deal with and end up pissing everyone off. I'm pretty calm most of the time but when I get stressed I get scared.

I'm getting used to my new place (I haven't been here for more then 24 hours) and looking forward to a quiet day today.

Special message to Yankee fans update

Kish Mir Om Tushis!!!

Because I can.
Because I'm bored.
Because they deserve it.

Please return your seats and tray tables to their full upright and locked position. We are about to land. The local temperature in Rio is 75 degrees.

If That's Movin' Up Then I'm Movin' Out update

(With apologies to Billy Joel)

I have to move out of my apartment. During the recent rains, part of my bedroom ceiling (which has leaked on and off since I moved in) fell down. Fortunately, I won't be moving far. Just a floor down, and an apartment over. It's a nice one bedroom with a different layout then my present place, and it's renovated, which is something I've wanted for this place. So all in all, although moving and change is a pain in the ass for me, the outcome should be good.

For those who need contact info, call or e-mail me.

Kinda Sorta Medical Update 11-3-2208

OK, here's the medical update:

I had chemo today, a regular dose of chemo as I have been getting for the last little while. I did NOT get the long acting dose of standostatin. I am still having problems with the small dose I am on and was not comfortable going up to the long acting dose. I'll have more to say as updates and conversations with doctors take place, but that's the up-to-the-minute latest.

I go on a lot of different blogs these days. Some of these are open to the public, open subject blogs; normally run by newspapers and general interest websites. Some are subject specific and are moderated; but still open to the public by and large. Some are invite only. Each time I go on a general subject, open to the public blog, I get sick to my stomach. There is a lot of anger out there and a lot of angry people have access to the internet and a keyboard. I am constantly surprised and saddened by the quality of people's remarks. Race bating. Anti Semitism. Liberalism equated to terrorism. Comments about people who are in really bad situations, sometimes through no fault of their own, laughed at and mocked, usually in really bad taste. It's enough to make me stick my own head in the sand. It's enough for me to want to take my own blog private so those idiots don't reach out for me. They haven't so far, but my recent experiences online regarding things posted here have made me aware that this blog is completely public and aside from the moderation firewall I've put in effect, anyone can comment.

There is an old saying that goes something like this: if you want to eat hot dogs, don't go to where they make them. Being online is something like that for me; it's great, but when you open things up to anyone, anyone can comment, and they don't have to be nice.

everything but a medical update saturday 11-1-2008

I am not writing about my medical condition today. I may write about it tomorrow, but right now I don't want to think about it. Instead you get a hodge podge of random things on my mind. If they make sense, great; if not, oh well.

Did you hear about the lady in Detroit who refused to give Halloween candy to Obama supporters? Not only did this story make the Internet, but it's national television news too. Lady, you are an idiot. Turning trick-or-treating political is a really bad idea, but getting new coverage because of it is even worse. Her phone number and address are now public. I am sure she is getting death threats. She might end up having to move out of her house. And all because she's an idiot and made some little kids cry because she wants McCain to win. I feel bad for you; the lesson here is, don't get news coverage, because there's no privacy anymore.

I had the chance to go see Gary LeMell sing at Catalina's Jazz Club in Hollywood last night. It was a good time. The LeMell's have been very supportive of me and my family before and during my illness and I appreciate them a lot.

HDNet is showing the Ridley Scott Director's Cut of Blade Runner this month. If you have never seen the movie, you really should; it's a great sci-fi version of film noir. Particularly, see the Director's Cut if you can as this version is much better then the distributed version originally shown when the movie came out. I forgot what a crush I have on Sean Young... and Elizabeth McGovern too (who is not in Blade Runner but like Sean Young is a tall, striking brunette).

The NBA season has started and I've been watching some games on TV. I like pro ball, but I like college basketball much better. Since I have high definition in my opinion the best sport to watch in that format is hockey... some would say golf, some would say auto racing. Frankly, just about anything is good in HD.

That's about it for tonight. Not much of substance but we need cotton candy once in a while too. I'll get serious tomorrow.